Follow Me
by Ebyru
Summary: Steve's never been saved by anyone but Bucky before.
1. Meeting

Anonymous asked: "Steve first meets Loki in 1940s (or late 1930s), when he is not yet a Super Soldier, but just a kid from Brooklyn. Loki is interested in him."

So that is what it's based on. Spoilers for the Captain America/Thor movies, probably. This will most likely be continued..:) when I have time.

* * *

**Follow Me**

The big guy's fist drives through Steve like he's nothing but paper. Steve's frail, always has been – physically, that is. His mind is another matter altogether.

Steve wipes his mouth, getting to his feet, but his knees wobble when he puts up his fists to guard himself. The guy – six feet tall or more – snorts, reeling back far enough to end this on the next blow. Steve isn't swayed; he's learned to stand his ground, to fight even when the odds are against him.

And, honestly, when aren't they?

The man's fist is flying forward again, and Steve closes his eyes, raising his hands up to his face, in hopes of the impact being less bad that way. Instead, Steve feels the air cool against his cheek when the punch misses; hears the guy being yanked back and thrown into the middle of the street, and a car honking when it nearly runs him over. Steve's eyes open; a tall, dark haired man smiles at him, standing in the exact spot the bully was.

Steve brushes off his pants. "I could have taken him." The stranger smiles crookedly, and Steve feels bad about his reaction. "I mean, he was almost tired out," Steve admits, ashamed. "But thanks for the help."

"I'm certain you would have been victorious," the man replies almost convincingly.

Steve's eyes widen at the accent; it's smooth as butter, brimming with confidence and pride. "You're not from around here, are you?"

A strand of dark hair falls into the stranger's face, and he smoothes it back easily; eyes half-lidded when he looks at Steve, a softer smile hanging from his lips. "No. I am indeed a – tourist, is it called?"

"Oh, so you're on vacation," Steve helpfully chimes in. He wipes blood away from his lips with the back of his hand, stuffing the reddened fingers into his pocket to hide them from the stranger.

The stranger tilts his head to one side, eyeing Steve with curiosity. "My name is Loki." He bows his head, dragging a white handkerchief from his pocket. He hands it to Steve, careful not to touch the blood himself. Steve puts his hands up, trying to refuse, but Loki just wraps it around one of Steve's hands. "I insist."

"All right," Steve submits, "thanks." He stains the white with red quickly as he dabs his knuckles, the corner of his mouth and below his nose. The bully could have been a successful boxer – if he had put his strength to better use. Steve stares at the handkerchief, stretching his arm out to return it to Loki. "Sorry, I—"

"It is yours now," Loki cuts in, waving a hand nonchalantly. He smiles, gentle and warm as the breeze, before continuing. "May I have your name as well?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm Steve. Rogers. Nice to meet you, Loki." He returns Loki's smile, his cheeks feeling flushed for some reason.

Loki crosses his arms, gaze raking down Steve's body with obvious interest. "You intrigue me," he admits, too quickly for it to be a lie.

Steve laughs a bit, stuffing the handkerchief in his pocket. Loki watches him, raising a brow. Steve mentally flounders a bit as he realizes Loki is being serious. "Beg your pardon?"

"You are an interesting man, Steve," Loki answers simply.

Steve's skin is beyond boiling point. This chic, dark haired stranger not only saved him, but is helping him clean up, and seems to genuinely be interested in a slight fella from Brooklyn. How could the day possibly get any weirder?

Throat too tight to properly answer, Steve looks down at his shoes – mud-covered and sprinkled with droplets of his own blood – wondering how anyone, let alone a fancy guy like Loki, could find him to be anything but average.

"I'd like to share a meal with you," Loki adds. He tilts Steve's head up with his fingers, getting him to focus on Loki's softened expression. "If you don't mind eating what will be prepared by my hotel, that is."

"I-I, yeah," Steve stutters out, shaking himself from his stupor. "Which one are you staying at? I might have some extra bus tickets—"

"I can fetch us a driver if that is your main concern," Loki interjects. He turns, walking toward the street where the bully was not long ago. "Which hotel is the most highly praised, Steve? I would like to go there."

Steve is rendered speechless, once again. He watches Loki's forest green jacket ripple as another car passes, the headlights bathing Loki's features in white and pale yellow hues. He's like a celebrity in his pinstripe suit, with his lean body, his fantastic posture and gelled back hair.

What could Loki possibly see in Steve that didn't make him keep walking, and let him get banged up by that loser like all the other passersby?

"—if you're not busy," Loki finishes. Steve wasn't paying attention, too busy feeling inadequate and overwhelmed by this statuesque man.

"Sorry?" Steve says, scratching the nape of his neck. "I kind of tuned out for a second there."

Loki hums, eyes fixed on Steve. "Perhaps it would be best if I brought you to a hospital first. I wasn't here for the beginning of your…misunderstanding."

Steve swallows, shaking his head. "No, I'm fine. I just need some rest. I think I should be heading home actually." _Before you realize how boring I am._

Striding up to Steve in two swift motions, Loki cups Steve's face, inspecting the damage. "I suppose you're right." His fingers linger at the edge of Steve's jaw as he says, "I have decided to stay at the Du Louvre, if you would like to join me for a meal tomorrow evening."

"T-that's—" Not in New York. And _French_. Which means it's not in the country at all. Steve was going to recommend the Waldorf-Astoria; how does that even compare to Paris? "—that's in France!" Steve chirps, astounded, face burning up from the gentle caress of the strange man. "And I can't really afford to travel—"

Loki laughs, moving his hand away and turning his back to Steve. "Well, if you do not have dinner plans for tomorrow, you may contact me." He takes his wallet from his coat, opening it and handing Steve a card with his name.

"Loki Odinson?" Steve reads out loud. That's definitely a foreign name. "Where are you from?" He could be from France – that would explain the hotel – but Steve has a feeling he's from somewhere a tad bit more exotic.

Putting his wallet away, Loki shrugs, walking towards the street. His expression turns mischievous, paying no mind to the traffic lights, the cars speeding down either lane, the warnings from the people across the street. He bares his teeth in a blindingly white smile and says, "You'll have to come with me to find out, Steve."

Loki disappears before a silver car is drives through him, leaving green smog in his wake. And a half dozen people gaping and paralyzed – Steve included.

Steve is definitely going to call him now.


	2. First Date

**Summary: **_They go on their meal together, Steve finds out what Loki can do – but not where he's from or who he is. He just knows he's not from Earth._

_Spoilers for Cap/Thor films probably. Expect 3 more parts. : ) Comments appreciated!  
_

* * *

**Chapter 2:** _First Date_

It's not exactly the weirdest conversation Steve's had, but it's in the top five. Loki is a pleasant man on the phone; that isn't the problem. It's just his timing – maybe it's Steve's fault for calling while he was half undressed, lying on his bed in his room – that leaves something to be desired.

So here Loki is, dressed in a fancy navy blue coat and grey slacks, smiling down at Steve knowingly. Steve gapes, the receiver still glued to his ear – unnecessarily one might add – and trying to read Loki's thoughts with a glance. Loki crosses his arms, pointing to the phone.

"I believe that is no longer needed, Steve." He smirks, tilting his head as though Steve is the most adorable creature on Earth.

"Y-yeah," Steve stutters out, jumping off his bed, feeling more flustered than if a woman had walked in on him completely naked. He digs through the closest drawer for a t-shirt. "How did you even do that?"

"Magic," Loki hisses out, breathing against Steve's bare shoulder.

Steve startles, kneeing his drawer accidentally, and wincing when the hand that's meant to soothe meets the same painful fate.

Loki chuckles behind Steve, his voice further away when he says, "I thought you more careful than that. Shame, really."

"Well, I don't usually have to deal with _magicians_ sneaking up on me," Steve mutters, pulling a shirt on at last. "If that's even what you are."

"I suppose I could settle for that title, yes," Loki drawls, leaning his weight on the edge of Steve's bed. "Have I appeared at a bad time? You seem hardly…prepared."

"I just got back from seeing a friend. Now's as good a time as any." Steve smiles stiffly.

Loki rolls his eyes. "There is no need for these theatrics. I can return when you are—"

Steve waves his hands in the air. "No, no. It's okay. I'm starving. Did you eat?"

"I was waiting for your call," Loki answers dryly.

Steve's brows raise. "We met three days ago. You couldn't have—"

Loki sighs, crossing his legs, his foot swinging impatiently.

"You waited three days to eat?" Steve asks, incredulous.

"I don't require as much sustenance as mortals, Steve. Three days is hardly a long time for me to wait. But to answer your earlier question, no I did not eat. And I'd love for you to join me at the Du Louvre."

Steve gulps. Travelling with a stranger isn't really his thing, unless it would have to do with the army. And how does Loki get around, really? He can't just snap his fingers and be halfway around the globe, can he? It must be something more ordinary.

"I've never been on a plane before. Is it scary? What do I need—"

Loki raises a brow questioningly, a gleam in his eyes that makes Steve's throat go dry. "Did I mention the need for aviation? You are going to rely on me and my magic. You need nothing more, Steve."

Steve narrows his eyes, unconvinced, and Loki smiles sweetly in response. He turns away, busying himself with his pants rather than trying to figure out how he's getting to Paris without a plane.

"I am not lying," Loki says, indignant. The bed creaks loudly when Loki stands. "I should have known the treatment on Midgard would be no different than what I have to endure at home—"

"Now wait a second," Steve cuts in, taking a few cautious steps toward Loki, "you can't expect me to understand this right away if you're not even human, Loki."

Loki frowns, buttoning up his jacket, preparing to leave. Steve rubs his elbow, feeling inadequate, and guilty for not having recognized sooner that Loki is on _his_ side – the underdogs.

Steve huffs, when Loki refuses to look at him. "I'm trying, okay? I just – I need time." He shuffles his feet, feeling smaller than ever, and like the universe is playing the cruelest joke in history. "I don't even know if you're real or if I'm dreaming all this up."

Loki snorts. "I doubt your imagination is this vivid." He's smiling when Steve looks up, and it makes a world of good. "I would very much like for you to accompany me, no – to trust me, rather – and have a delicious meal with me. Anything you would like to have, I can provide you with."

Without letting his doubts, his insecurities have a say, Steve agrees. Loki's smile brightens, and it's just about the most beautiful thing Steve's seen in a long time. And it's shocking, really, to be able to think that about someone who isn't even of this world.

"Just give me a few minutes to get ready."

Loki bows his head. "As long as you need," he whispers, taking a seat on Steve's bed like before.

XXX

The meal – it's _fantastic_. Loki speaks French as well as ten other languages he picked up when he was bored one day – literally in one day – and orders them the most delicious, high-class cuisine Steve's ever had the privilege of trying. He's never wanted to spoil himself with this kind of thing, but he's definitely not going to refuse the next time someone offers.

Steve can't, even for one second, forget where he is. The tower sparkling in the light a few miles away from the terrace they're eating on makes sure of that. It's dark and busy, but calming in other ways, and it makes Steve's heart stutter when he thinks about how easy it would be to travel the world with Loki this way.

Loki eats small, delicate portions, lifting his eyes to Steve after each bite. Loki's gaze sparkles, like the tower, with fondness and amusement. Steve is so busy enjoying the company, the food, the ambience and the unbelievable situation he's found himself in, that he doesn't notice Loki's fingers resting over his own.

Not that he minds Loki touching him, though he probably should. Loki is a man – or looks like one at least – and so is Steve. Bucky would freak out if Steve said a man from another world was holding his hand. This should be weird, unwanted, _uncomfortable_.

It isn't. Not for Steve, nor Loki whose gaze only intensifies when their eyes meet, nor to any of the other patrons. And that makes it all okay, somehow.

They go for a stroll; palms brush this moment then the next, until Steve takes the initiative and laces his fingers with Loki's. Loki hums, satisfied and inaudible to most people, squeezing on to Steve's hesitant fingers. It makes Steve's body thrum with warmth, with happiness. Loki drags Steve nearer, pressing their tangled fingers at the small of Loki's back, their hips bumping with every step they take.

And Steve is left speechless, wondering how anyone could be this amazing. A flush climbs over his cheeks, and Loki uses his free hand to stroke it, to ease it away, to reassure Steve.

"I am glad to have found you, Steve," Loki murmurs, his eyes straight ahead to avoid making Steve even more embarrassed.

Steve manages, "Me too." And they continue walking through the park in silence mostly.

XXX

Maybe Steve expected a kiss when they'd returned to New York, but then again, maybe his body would implode from all of the good things that have happened during their date. Better to save it for their next date.

Loki says that he will be away for a few days, but that he will find Steve as soon as he returns. Their second date might be postponed for a while, it seems. Steve bites his lip, anxious and slightly disappointed. Loki sighs, cupping Steve's face. And Steve is praying to anyone who will listen for Loki to lean down and kiss him; to leave Steve with something to keep him going while he waits. Loki smiles softly before disappearing, leaving the feel of his fingers trailing across Steve's face as the cloud of smoke clears.

_Don't worry, Loki. I'll be waiting for you._

XXX_  
_

Bucky finds Steve the next day, and tells him about the double date he has planned. Steve isn't interested in the girl – she's no Loki, could never be – and she certainly isn't into him, so it makes it easier for Steve to slip away and try his luck at joining the army again.

Bucky doesn't approve of Steve's yearning for something more, but now there's something else pushing Steve toward it. And it's even stronger than before.

_Loki._

Who knows when Loki will be back. He could be fighting his _own_ war in his _own_ world, and Steve is too weak, too far away, to even be able to offer help. He needs to be useful somehow. He can't just sit back, waiting, hoping Loki will return in one piece.

What if Loki is hurt when he comes back? What if Steve isn't strong enough to save him? What if Loki never comes back?

It may be insane to think risking his life fighting Nazis will change anything about him being weak, but what else can Steve do? He can't even _find_ Loki if he's in trouble, and even if he did, how could he help?

This is all Steve has. This is all there is for him.

XXX

There's a doctor hidden nearby, watching intently as Steve is refused yet again for being skinny and small. And when he approaches Steve, his eyes shining with interest and promise, Steve has a feeling he'll finally be able to offer others his help.

TBC


	3. Lies and Betrayal

**Chapter summary**: Steve leaves for war while Loki deals with Thor's banishment among other things. They both suffer a great deal during the time they spend apart.

**A/N: **_Well this chapter is full of movie spoilers, and then a lot of angst that came from my disturbed mind. I'm sorry it isn't as long as the last chapter, but I wanted to give you guys the update. :)_

* * *

Turns out the doctor gives Steve more than he even thought possible.

XXX

He's big, strong, and no-one tries to intimidate him anymore. He feels free, reborn, powerful enough to finally help everyone who's being treated like he once was.

Bucky is shocked at Steve's transformation (to say the least).

Steve finds him drugged out on the table in the factory, and it's so easy to lift him, to drag him away from all the insanity, that he can almost forget what it felt like all the years he didn't have this gift.

Almost, but not quite.

He'd never be in this position if he hadn't been that tiny, frail man beforehand. He would have probably died in the war, and not even been able to save Bucky and all the other captured soldiers. Someone else would be Captain America. Maybe even a woman.

Maybe someone like Peggy.

XXX

Bucky continues to be in shock, but he says it isn't about Steve's giant build or the strength he now wields. It's about his behaviour; a happiness deep at the heart of Steve. He's never seen Steve look so happy. It's not something muscles alone could provide for you.

Steve can't say that he met someone, even though that is the reason. Bucky can probably tell anyway. But Steve isn't ready to tell anyone about how he's falling for a man, not when it means he'll be shunted, not when it means he won't be allowed to help people anymore. The country isn't prepared for this kind of announcement yet, and maybe they never will be.

Steve says nothing.

And Bucky is taken from him soon after. Too soon for Steve to have been able to open up to Bucky.

That fall can hardly be called _passing away_.

XXX

That same evening there's a note in Steve's room from Loki.

_My brother is misbehaving in a very grand gesture to become the future ruler of Asgard. I must stay a while longer and prove to my father that I would be a better choice._

_I hope you can understand that a prince has many troubles in his lifetime._

_If you can wait for me, I will always return to your side._

_Until we meet again,_

_Loki._

Steve slips the note under his pillow and drifts into a dreamless sleep.

XXX

When Loki returns home, it is as though nothing has changed. No-one seems to have noticed his short leave. But there are a few exceptions, fortunately.

Thor greets him boisterously – he knows of no other way in fact – and it comforts Loki's heart just enough to ignore the sting of rejection Loki had felt when the Warriors Three spoke to him of the weather. Frigga hugs him to her bosom, pets his hair as though he were a child again, and all the rest of Loki's worries dissolve. Odin simply nods his understanding.

The happiness never lasts for long though. Not when the throne is without heir.

XXX

There is a breach; a group from Jotunheim cross Asgard's walls without any more difficulty than turning the knob of a door. Thor loses his temper (and his sanity, if Loki were asked) and insists on finding the reason for that incident. It's impossible for Loki to stop Thor once his mind is set, so Loki cannot do anything besides warn Odin of the inevitable.

It is because of Loki's 'treachery' that Thor and his friends are not killed by the Frost Giants. Loki was unharmed when one of the monsters touched his skin. It didn't feel like pain or imminent death, it felt like…_family_.

That thought alone nearly frightens Loki to death.

XXX

Before Thor is banished to Midgard, Loki tries to convince him of the many glorious things he can expect to find there. He is not impressed, nor is he blind to Loki's behaviour.

"You've fallen for one of those weak things, haven't you brother?" Thor laughs mockingly. "And you say that _I_ am the foolish one."

Loki decides against describing the _one_ 'weak thing' he's fallen for. Steve deserves praise, not insult, not mockery. And Thor deserves to be banished there. Then, perhaps, he will see all that is good in that young realm.

"Farewell," Loki replies as Thor disappears through the Bifrost.

XXX

One night, two maybe, and Loki is restless. He cannot _stand_ Thor's childish anger and impulsive behaviour, but it doesn't feel the same in Asgard without him. He goes to Odin in order to ask for Thor's punishment to be lifted or to at least be shortened.

Instead, Loki finds out the horrors that his father has committed, and he explodes into anger much like Thor would. Unwanted in his home realm and unappreciated in the world where he was raised. Even thoughts of Steve do nothing to calm this devastation. His anger grows into an inferno, and buries Odin inside of it.

Odin falls into his sleep.

There is no-one else to fight for the throne at this point, so Loki becomes the king of Asgard -without merit or approval. He just _is_. He exists like he always has. Having the blood of the Frost Giants explains so many things to him in that regard.

Loki sends Steve another note when the people are asleep.

_The struggle over the throne has finished. I shall be able to visit you soon._

_Please wait for that time dear Steve._

_Sincerely,_

_Loki_

XXX

When Steve reads the note the next morning, he nearly cries as hard as when he'd lost Bucky. He's still so emotionally raw.

Steve felt so alone during the time between Bucky's death and that first note that he'd let himself slip.

Peggy is in bed next to him as he tries not to wake her with his tears.

He's always liked her, had a crush on her for a while, but he'd never wanted to pursue those feelings – not while he knew Loki was somewhere thinking of him. But the pain of losing his best friend, his _only_ friend, set Steve off-balance.

Peggy had only meant to console Steve; she didn't know Steve had someone else lingering in his heart. No-one could have known. Steve refused to tell a soul; Loki is his best-kept secret.

And now, weeks after Bucky's death—

After Peggy drinks too much, and Steve lets her stay in his apartment—

And he loses his virginity between kisses and the agony of missing his best friend, and forgetting for a moment that she will _never_ be Loki—

All Steve can think is—

_What has he done?_

TBC


	4. Not a Saviour

**Chapter Summary: **_Loki finds out about Steve's fling and drama ensues. Something terrible happens later that secures their bond though – even if Loki doesn't intend it to._

**A/N:** Un-beta'd for now, because I am impatient and..yeah. Spoilers for both films (Capt/Thor) aplenty, but it goes AU at a certain point. The next chapter is the last. :D

* * *

Loki is on Midgard mainly to see Steve again, but he spares his _not-brother_ some of his time first. Thor may not appreciate hearing that a Frost Giant is currently sitting in the throne while their 'father' sleeps, but Loki wants to tell him all the same.

XXX

Thor is being held against his will, even in a world where he doesn't belong, even when he could eviscerate them all with a single blow. But Thor seems…changed.

Loki stays cloaked within the walls that hold his kin, watching as a young woman rushes in to see Thor. They speak in hushed tones, her worrying for his wellbeing, and him appeasing her anxieties.

Yes, Thor has changed _immensely_.

When the Midgardian – Jane, Thor calls her – kisses Thor's cheek, Loki _knows_ Thor has caught the same illness that Loki has. Thor presses his fingers to his cheek, his face heating up with embarrassment and delight. These mortals are quite pesky; they're good at slipping between the breastplates of your armour and sneaking into your heart.

Just as she leaves, Loki reveals himself, and is utterly dumbfounded by the relief he sees across Thor's features. Thor is genuinely happy to see Loki, and he doesn't even know the reason for Loki's visit yet.

They speak of simple things at first; how Thor is doing, why he is being held so easily, the strange way Midgardians dress – that kind of thing. But Loki can see the questions bubbling inside of Thor, filling him up with impatience and foolish hope.

"I'm sorry for your current state, Thor," Loki murmurs, looking sullen.

And he is, truly he is. He did try to save Thor from this, but now their – _Thor's_ – father is in a sleep that Loki cannot interrupt. They have all been forced into waiting.

Loki wants to reveal it all, hurt his fake sibling, but Thor's gaze hasn't changed from when they were young children. He still looks at Loki the same way he always has. He loves Loki dearly, and Loki – despite his anger and sadness – loves Thor just as much. So, he can't find it in himself to announce everything he knows just yet.

"Our father has fallen into a sleep," Loki says instead, knowing that could hurt just as much – maybe more. "I have taken the throne now, until he wakes."

Thor nods, looking away. "I am glad for you, brother." He smiles weakly.

The word stings, itches Loki's skin like he's been stabbed with a prickly needle by someone who doesn't intend to kill but to irritate. It takes a moment for Loki to calm himself enough to continue with, "This may be the last time we see each other."

Thor's eyes widen, his mouth parting to shout in outrage or protest.

Loki adds, calmly, "Farewell," and disappears from the room before Thor's words reach his ears.

Steve is waiting for him somewhere, and Loki doesn't want him to be snatched away.

XXX

Steve is alone when Loki arrives, but the bed sheets are rumpled and Steve's apartment smells of alcohol and sweat. It's so pervasive that Loki doesn't notice something major has changed about Steve until Steve stands, mere inches away from Loki, reaching out to see if Loki's really there.

"Steve - you –" Loki stops when large hands wrap around him, dragging him in for a hug that only Thor could compete with. Steve is _strong_. Very strong. And he doesn't look like the Steve Loki brought to Paris, except in the ways that he does.

His eyes are just as soft, as caring as Loki remembers – which is nice – but there's a hint of something dark in them that Loki is afraid to ask about. Steve refuses to let go though, shaking in Loki's arms now, maybe even _crying_.

Loki pushes Steve away gently, just enough to see his face. Steve _is_ crying; long, warm tears skate down either of Steve's cheeks, and it takes all of Loki's heart not to shed a tear as well.

"W-why are you crying, Steve?" Loki asks, his voice low and (unnervingly) uneven.

Steve turns away, wiping his eyes. He takes a step back from Loki as though needing to brace himself for impact. Why on Earth (or Asgard) would Loki strike the man who he saved from just that all those months ago? Unless –

"_Why_ are you crying, Steve?" Loki spits, having put all of the elements together.

Steve was beautiful before, but he is downright _statuesque_ now, he's been alone for months without his 'lover' – if that is what he even considers Loki to be anymore - and the smell that assaulted Loki's senses when he stepped into this apartment could only point to one thing, really.

"Who _is_ she, Steve?!" Loki shouts, his scepter appearing out of where it's usually hidden.

Flinching back, Steve puts up his hands in some sort of surrender, suddenly looking just as small as he did that first day. _Imbecile_, Loki thinks, _I want to destroy her – not you!_

Loki breathes, heavily and slowly, until his anger isn't flaying the flesh from his bones as much anymore. Steve falls to his knees, head bowed, reaching hesitantly for the fabric of Loki's black slacks. For all his strength, Steve looks weaker than he did before this – this _transformation_ occurred. Loki doesn't know what to call it; this has never been seen in Asgard before.

"I'm so sorry, Loki. I made a huge mistake," Steve finally concedes, fisting in Loki's pants.

Steve cries for a long moment, not saying anything else, gripping tighter onto Loki. Loki just stands there impassively, trying to reconcile who this man clinging to him is, and if he can love this version as much as the last.

When Steve looks up, searching Loki's unreadable expression, Loki rolls his eyes. Steve looks pathetic, broken and altogether _more_ human than Loki's ever seen him. It makes Loki feel as though his own life isn't so bad anymore, actually. They're both a little flawed now, aren't they? Maybe they can find their balance through each other.

That may be a bit too ambitious.

Loki strokes Steve's cheek softly, trying to smile in spite of his feverish heat still lurking without an outlet. He reaches for Steve's lips, and is surprised to find that they are the same. They're not rough or made for battle like the rest of Steve; they're exactly how they were when Loki last touched them. Loki manages to smile, for real this time, his anger being replaced with an idiotic desire to kiss Steve.

Steve practically crumples against Loki's legs with relief, repeating over and over how sorry he is, and that he'll never do it again for as long as he lives.

But what strikes Loki is when Steve says, "She could never replace you. I wanted you, and she wasn't you, but I settled because I wasn't thinking straight. I lost someone and it was hurting me, and I _needed_ you."

Steve was hurt at the same time as Loki was, and they were too far apart to soothe each other's pain.

Loki would willingly massacre a _country_ looking for the one that has caused Steve such suffering; Steve only needs to ask. But that is why Loki loves Steve – and Loki does; he acknowledges this after all they've experienced – Steve is reasonable and kind, and very well-adjusted (usually). He would never demand blood, even if he deeply wished for it.

Loki lowers himself stiffly to Steve's level, still unused to the sheer size of previously-tiny Steve, and strokes his hair back, wiping his tears with his thumb after casting his scepter away. "I'm sorry I couldn't have been here to prevent it. Who was this someone? A friend?"

Steve rests his forehead against Loki's, closing his eyes, chest heavy with sadness, but grateful that Loki hasn't gone back to Asgard for good yet. Steve couldn't even follow or find Loki if that happened.

"My best and only friend. His name was Bucky. He was...He fell from a train on a mission with me," Steve mutters, leaning into Loki's touch.

Loki sighs, wrapping his arms around Steve's shoulders, tucking Steve's face in his neck. "I am sorry for your loss, Steve."

A _mission_ would mean military probably. No wonder Steve seems so different now. Being in the army, seeing men die left and right; it could make anyone break a bit inside, crack under the pressure of it. Loki has lived through it a few times already.

Steve nods into Loki's skin, his face still damp with tears. "Me too."

XXX

They're not quite as close as before, partially because Steve still has to work with _Peggy_ – Loki had asked her name, and now dreads every time Steve must report to her – but Loki tries to adapt, to mature in a way he never thought possible.

He stays with Steve when Steve has time off, and when Steve must go elsewhere (to chase after a madman who believes he's immortal), Loki returns to Asgard as the king and performs his duties, secretly wishing his 'father' never awakens.

At least it gets better after Loki and Steve are settled into a routine.

Loki misses the awkward-limbed Steve at times – wanting to pin Steve down with his weight and keep him there for as long as he desires. Steve was vulnerable and reliant on Loki before; it felt good to finally have someone to watch over and protect. Not that Loki did a very good job of it.

There are ways, however, in which Loki appreciates _Captain America_.

Steve can kiss Loki without needing to be lifted or lying down. People know Steve and admire him now. He and Loki can be rough and unruly, and Steve can handle it in this new body. And, best of all, when Loki contemplates the sorrow that still prickles at the back of his mind, Steve can block it all out with his large frame (and even bigger heart).

In that moment, Loki must feel as protected as the old Steve had, hiding away in his arms.

XXX

There's something that bothers Loki one night as he lies in his empty bed of his unwelcoming chambers. It's not this place – which, naturally, doesn't feel safe anymore – it's something else, something dark. Loki feels like he's drowning, like his chest is being squeezed in the palm of someone's hand, like his skin is turning blue not because of his origins, but because he's nearing death. That – that seems like it could be it. Someone is dying, and Loki can sense it. How could that be possible? Who is close enough to Loki that he would be experiencing it _this_ strongly?

_Steve_.

Loki doesn't even bother warning the guards, his mother or anyone of his sudden departure to Midgard. He leaves and thinks only of Steve and the pain still stabbing through his chest. The cold does not affect Loki's kind, but mortals, even ones as strong as Steve, are not made to survive in it for long periods.

Loki leaves so quickly he doesn't even have shoes on when he arrives on Midgard. His natural blue skin decides to appear without his consent, but he ignores it in favour of saving Steve before it's too late.

XXX

Peggy is the last voice Steve hears before he crashes into the freezing ocean. He wishes it wasn't hers.

He's sinking deep under the waves, his lungs filling with water, his extremities numb and burning from the cold.

Steve wishes Loki were here, that he could have at least seen him this morning, kissed him and touched his soft, pale, _foreign_ skin. The thought of Loki almost makes him feel warmed, but that doesn't stop the water from pushing further into his body.

He feels heavy, dazed. _Close to dying_, Steve thinks absently. He's not afraid of it though, not if it means saving the world. Besides, Steve has lived enough. He's experienced the ups and downs and the in-betweens. He's hurt and been hurt, forgiven and been forgiven.

And _loved_ –

Steve smiles as he imagines a familiar-looking man swimming towards him. He's probably hallucinating, right? His mind just wants to give him a beautiful image to part from this world with.

The man looks like Loki, but his skin is navy blue, his eyes are red, and he's – he's much closer now. He's _smiling_ Steve notices before his eyes fall shut, his body giving out to hypothermia. And then he feels nothing, thinks nothing, knows nothing.

Except –

_I'm here to save you this time, Steve Rogers. I refuse to let you down again._

XXX

It requires more power than Loki should use, but he does it. He pushes all of the ice water outward, and wraps Steve in a cocoon of frozen blocks, akin to an igloo, strong and warm and currently impenetrable. It will keep Steve alive, just as he is, but it also leaves Loki without the one man he would risk his miserable existence for.

(Honestly speaking though, Loki uses so much of his magic he almost doesn't make it out of the water with much of his life left.)

Is it irony that – just as Odin did – Steve has been forced into a sleep that he doesn't want to be in? Perhaps it's just bad luck. For Loki.

Steve lives at least, and will continue to do so until the world he remains in is equipped enough to free Captain America from this state. Loki is certain that that day will be a gift for more than just Steve's followers. The realms will shake and stir, take notice, and a force to be reckoned with will be released.

XXX

Loki drags himself out of the water, panting softly. There's a woman standing not far from the wreckage, covering her mouth and crying. She looks devastated and regretful, maybe even like she knows the man who's resting deep below the surface-

Ah, yes. That would explain it.

_Peggy_.

Loki disappears from Midgard just as she turns to look his way. He can't have her seeing his true form before Steve does.


	5. All in the Design

**Chapter summary:** _Loki no longer has the throne, and Steve awakens to find a new world. 70 years have passed, but Loki still feels as strongly about Steve._

**A/N:** un-beta'd for now because, as always, I am impatient.

I've skipped over the 70 years where Loki went back to Asgard and sat in the throne, only to be fought against, etc. (Basically, the whole ending of the Thor film.)

More movie spoilers, and this dips into the time around the Avengers (2012) film as well. Angst, drama, angst, angst. And also anger.

This is kind of up in the air, but I hope it's still satisfying. :)

* * *

The world looks like it did before the war, the crash, the water, and the bone-chilling cold that came with all of it. It sounds exactly the same, too, which tips Steve off as to something being eerily wrong. The woman who enters looks normal enough, but, then again, Steve has learned that the most average people can hide great – and often disturbing - secrets.

The baseball game on the radio is the same one. He knows because he experienced it once already. And, of course, when he asks the woman she pretends like Steve is the one with the problem.

It doesn't take long after that for Steve to escape and find himself in a place – a city presumably – with towering buildings, flashing screens, racing cars and even faster-paced pedestrians. Everything looks so _otherworldly_; so much like the things he went underwater to destroy.

Maybe he failed and the Tesseract created this world filled with machinery and a distinct absence of nature.

XXX

Loki falls, and falls, and keeps falling. It becomes unbearable. His voice has gone hoarse from screaming, fearing the bottom of the abyss, his eyes are red-rimmed and crusty with dried tears, his heart is aching as he dreams of a man he longs to see once more.

_That's it_, Loki thinks, _Steve_.

If Loki can just survive this fall, this black hole in between their realms, this cold, harsh darkness that's trying to swallow him whole, then he can find his way back to Steve. The world seems anew – fresh with life and knowledge – ready to release the force that is Captain America at long last.

They can be together again finally, and Loki will forgive Steve properly this time. He will not waste their precious time any longer.

This may not have been what Loki planned when he let himself tumble into oblivion, but it seems now to be his fate – his destiny. To be saved by Captain America - precious Steve Rogers - would bring them full-circle, wouldn't it?

Loki is the broken, frail one this time, fighting against all odds, needing a hand but never willing to ask for it. And Steve will gladly return the favour once he sees what's become of Loki; he'd never turn down an old friend, a lover, someone facing unfathomable desperation.

"Yes," Loki mutters, closing his eyes, "I will use this as my chance to redeem myself, to reach Steve as a new man, and he will take me in gladly."

The fall doesn't feel so impossible after that.

XXX

There are bits and pieces that haunt Steve's dreams as he tries to understand what happened. He sees water, feels it swallowing him, then a man – or something living at least – with blue skin appears, but that's all Steve can remember. It doesn't matter, anyway. Maybe his mind is trying to protect him from things he doesn't need to know.

He can move on with his life better this way. Not remembering might be safer.

XXX

Loki doesn't care about anyone in Asgard – not his 'mother', his 'father', nor his 'brother' – he longs only to see and be with Steve again. His realm won't accept him, and the place where he should be never wanted him to begin with. All he has left, the only shelter he can think of, is the place between Steve's open arms and the warmth he can draw from the only man he truly loves.

It's unfortunate it has to be done this way, but Loki uses any means he can to return to Midgard – now that he's found his way inside a darkness no-one dares enter. The Chitauri and their leader see the pain, the hole, in Loki's chest as a way to bring him to their side. But he could watch them all burn – would, if Steve required it – if only to be by Steve's side again.

Does no-one understand what he's done, what he's willing to do? Nothing matters. Not a creature, nor any emotion. Loki breathes, sleeps, dreams, lives on for Steve Rogers and nothing else.

The scepter he's given locates the Tesseract – that powerful object which wrenched Steve away from Loki in the first place - communicates with it, and opens a portal into Midgard for Loki to walk through freely.

The irony in Loki's existence never quite ceases, does it?

XXX

Steve spends his days – and often nights – picturing that unknown face as he trains in the gym that Director Fury has provided him with. Each time his fist hits the punching bag, the sand shifting beneath his knuckles and muscles, the chain squeaking from the impact, Steve's mind imagines who that could be, what they would be doing in freezing cold water.

The answers never come, and the bag lurches dangerously before disconnecting completely and splitting open once it hits the ground.

And then it all starts over again. Every day.

Steve never sleeps properly anymore.

XXX

Loki is being tracked, watched over like a hawk, so he cannot go to Steve directly without it being noticed. And if ever they were to realize Loki's allegiance isn't to them, they would take out their anger on Steve. Loki could never forgive himself if that were to happen.

That night, while Steve takes in a few hours of rest, Loki goes into his dreams, seeking him in the deepest corners of his mind.

XXX

Steve stares at Loki, uncomprehending, but makes no move to approach him.

Loki can't help but smile; he's missed Steve terribly, more than he'd likely admit. He steps towards Steve, and Steve moves away, hands out in front of him as a barrier. Loki feels hurt, of course, but this is all right.

Steve hasn't seen him in _decades_. Maybe he thought Loki died. Maybe he's confused by the current setting; it's not every day you get paid a visit in your subconscious. Maybe it's all just a bit overwhelming for Steve. God knows it's overwhelming for Loki, but he's waited all this time, why waste any more?

"Steve," Loki says, still smiling, reaching a hand out slowly. "I've missed you. I am not going to hurt you. Don't you want to at least hug me?"

Steve frowns, putting his palms flat against his pants, wiping the sweat from them. Even in his dreams all he does is hit his sandbag until it breaks apart.

Loki takes a step forward, and Steve doesn't back away this time, but his frown deepens.

"Steve- I – I love you very much. I want to be with you," Loki declares, feeling vulnerable and completely at Steve's mercy. "I don't know if you've found someone else or if you—"

"Wait," Steve interjects, standing up straighter now, looking very authoritative. "I'm pretty sure I'm dreaming, so how are you here? And, who _are_ you exactly?"

Loki's heart sinks to the soles of his feet, a knife lodging itself between each of his ribs of either lung, twisting and digging into the bone, trying to scrape at the marrow.

"S-Steve, you can't be serious. I am Loki. I- we were together before…" Loki trails off, seeing the confusion in Steve's mind. He's really forgotten who Loki is. "I _saved_ you," he says, voice small and hurt. He feels like he's been decimated, stripped of his goal in life, turned into the sand that Steve beats.

"I don't know who you think I am, but I haven't been with anyone. I've been frozen for seventy years. You would have been dead a long time ago, along with Bucky, and Peggy…" Steve explains, his brow furrowed and his eyes sad at the mention of Peggy. "I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are."

Loki's eyes darken. Steve remembers those people, those useless mortals, but he forgot Loki – the one who made this possible in the first place. He's raging inside, feeling strangled and weak and burnt raw from this situation. And then Loki remembers something he'd read regarding the spell he used on Steve.

_Spell should not be in effect for an extensive amount of time. Side effects will be vast and most likely permanent._

Is this because of Loki? Has Loki done this to Steve? Made him forget about specific parts of his life before the crash – namely Loki?

Steve crosses his arms, looking stern and fearless, and so little like the man who had cried at Loki's feet.

"Are you all right, sir?" He says, politely and confidently.

Loki scoffs, and a mask of his own quickly falls into place. "I _will_ be, Captain America."

XXX

Steve wakes up the next morning with a strange ache in his skull, like he's lost a part of him he can't ever get back.

(Loki used his magic to remove their conversation from Steve's memory. No point leaving evidence of his existence behind if the bigger picture and the significant details have been altered, tampered with.)

Fury comes to Steve with a file and a sullen look on his face. He's barely been back from his 'vacation' for a month, and already Captain America is being called to duty.

Steve wants to turn down the mission, but he has a feeling it's going to be a _serious _problem and that turning it down would mean a lot of innocent people dying.

He packs his things, reads the files, and leaves his personal problems at the door of the gym. The visions and the man in them will have to wait until he can be sure the world isn't going to explode around him.

XXX

Loki is almost impressed by Steve and his shiny new shield. He would be more so if Steve wasn't mortal, weak, forgetful, insensitive, ungrateful…The list goes on. To put it bluntly, Loki _knows_ Steve, and putting on a tight red, white and blue costume is not going to make Loki tremble or put his scepter down. Not unless Loki plans to – which he does.

They battle, and Loki feels invigorated, inspired by Captain America. It makes him forget about the man behind the flag – just for a moment. And that's when he has Steve on his knees, his head bowed because of the weight of Loki's weapon.

"Kneel," Loki grinds out. But what he means is something else. _Kneel and remember how it was before. Remember how you were when you did this willingly. Remember me, Steve Rogers, for I cannot forget you._

But Captain America only frees himself while saying, "Not today."

_Some other time then, perhaps_, Loki thinks distantly, knowing that will never be the case.

XXX

Thor knows as soon as he takes Loki out of the Avengers' custody.

"Stop this insanity, Loki. Come home with. Forget about your mortal, and give up this dream. Father will forgive you. _I_ have forgiven you."

But Loki can't. Not when his dream was taken from him. All he has left is broken pieces and a deal to honour. There's no backing down at this point. There never was that option to begin with. Loki just hoped he could convince Steve to follow him to the depths of the earth, the summits of mountains, the bottom of seas – like Loki already has for him.

Maybe it was too much to ask all along.

Loki's never been anything to anyone but a bother, a disappointment, a burden to carry, and a distraction at best.

"I mourned for you," Thor whispers, clutching at Loki's armour.

Loki doesn't need to say it because Thor can hear it already. _Then continue to do so for this is just the beginning._

XXX

Loki doesn't try to interact with Captain America again; the ache too great to deal with when they are near.

He loses, naturally. He never wanted to win anything for the Chitauri; it was all for Steve. And he lost that battle many years ago.

There's no more fight in him when Thor – regretfully – slips the muzzle on, hand firm and warm against Loki's shoulder. He still cares, Loki thinks. At least one of them does. At least _someone_ does.

Too bad it isn't the one man whose opinion counts in Loki's eyes that does.

XXX

It takes six months after Loki's captured for Steve to realize he's the same man from his dreams, his visions. Loki is the one that saved his life. And he'd been harbouring that fact, avoiding this information all along – like a coward.

Villain or not, Loki was good once, and could become so again in the future.

Steve vows to thank Loki for that someday.

Someday soon even.

For the first time in a year, Steve gets a full night's sleep. He dreams of Loki's natural blue skin and crimson eyes that will forever call to him.


End file.
